Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Speaking for a Multiculturalism Class

I had the honors of speaking to a class today about my experience in NZ and being Hmong. I was delighted! There were a lot of things that could have been said and discussed but there just wasn't enough time.

There was a guy who had to present on an article he read about Hmong's and our history as well as Hmong Americans. He was so nervous because I was sitting there listening to things that were being said. He stuttered so badly and kept looking at me for some kind of nod of approval or something and the rest of his classmates were looking at me for some kind of message.

After the presentation a girl asked me why I smirked at certain things that were said and I said because it's funny and because it's true to a certain extent.

At times I feel like I don't want to be the one representing our whole race but I definitely want to inform others of our race, I just want others to know that this is not the input of everyone, it's just my input and the experiences that I have been in.

It was nice to reflect on growing up and going to school and seeing how teachers treated us or included us in the curriculum. This class was teaching going-to-be teachers about multiculturalism and how they can add it to their curriculum. It was really interesting to see their kind of ideas on how to implement such things. It's harder than it sounds.

How can someone accommodate a person who has left everything that they know of and cared for? How can you help them to adapt, to learn, to fit the social norms?

I really do wish that when I was in grade school something like that was implemented.

I would get yelled at for speaking Hmong at school, I so hated that. I felt like they were disrespecting us, but for some dumb reason the teachers felt like we were disrespecting them. It had nothing to do with them. It was because that is our language, we know that best, we were only learning English at the time.

What would you do? How would you try to implement multiculturalism in a classroom?

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

How Can You Understand?

I am having such a hard time right now. I just want to throw things and yell and scream, but what will that do? It's not going to make me feel better nor will it help the situation that I'm stuck in. It'll only make me have to clean up and look like a crazy mad woman, which I already am so there's really no point in not doing what I want to do (yell, scream, kick someone's ass).

Now realizing how stupid I was for not hurrying and getting my internship done, I am stressing like no other. I am planning on graduating in May 2012 but have yet to do my internship. I can't do it in the summers and have been postponing it because I help my mom EVERY summer at the garden and selling veggies.

Ever since I have had plans in the summer I ALWAYS came home to help her, no matter where I left I always was there for her to rely on, even when I went to Upward Bound in another city 1 1/2 to 2 hours away, I managed to work on Saturdays for 5 hours and help her on Friday to rinse veggies, and sell early morning at the market and then head back to Upward Bound on Sunday, I did that for like 2-3 summers. Now I'm at University half an hour away and I can come back every summer to help her. I went to NZ and came back in time to help her, why can't anyone stay and help her when I need to be gone?

How come no one understands that? They only praise me for it but they aren't willing to do it themselves. They say they can't, or they don't have experience working so they have to work and not help her, WHAT? I did it all, I learned to manage it all. I'm not praising myself, I'm just saying why can't YOU DO IT TOO????????????

Being Hmong and being a Hmong girl, you have responsibilities. You learn that you have to be there in order to help your parents: cook, clean, feed the family, and be there to rely on. The Hmong men don't understand that, why? Because they have freedom, they can go and do whatever and not have to worry about their parents because they have their sisters to worry about their parents. Because they don't have the responsibility like we do, the heart to care and be considerate of others.

I am sitting here crying because you couldn't give me some encouragement on how I can do this, I can get an internship and help my mom. I can do it all like I have been my WHOLE LIFE.

Why is it that no one understands me? Just because I have been acting like I'm independent doesn't mean I don't need help or that I wouldn't like help.

Out of all my siblings I have been the one that has always been there for my parents and just about everyone, who's there for me?

Why is it that I feel so stressed when I leave my parents? I feel like no one is reliable?

Now I'm stressing on who's going to help my mom this summer, when I'm going to do my internship, and when I'm going to be able to graduate in order to help my mom pay for the bills.

Are there any words of encouragement out there for me? Who can I rely on?

God, if I can rely on you like I did the last time, I would be so happy and thankful! I feel like I have wronged you in so many ways and just keep on asking for more help, but I have no one to turn to, no one to help me cope with this insanity. My only excuse is stupidity and being human, one makes mistakes. Please help me overcome this huge obstacle course that is ahead of me. When this is all over, if ever, I will later look back and realize that you were holding my hand the whole time, then will I fully be able and accept and follow you full-heartedly! I know this sounds like a bargain, but I don't want to disappoint you.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Hmong Should Love Other Hmongs

I was on youtube and found this video! It is so inspiring and if you haven't seen it yet, watch it, favorite it, like it, and share it!!! It's amazing!! It has inspired me to do something big, not sure what, but something to do with Hmong and all!! It's just so touching!!! :D Makes me so happy to be Hmong! The lyrics are just soo touching and strong. See for yourself!!!

Hmoob Yuavtsum Hlub Hmoob - Hmong Artist Collaboration (Official Music Video)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


The Hmong community, believe it or not, is a patriarchal society. Meaning, men dominate the women. Look at it how you want, but it's the truth.

I don't like patriarchy, in fact, I hate it.

I hate that men think that they have power over women, I hate that they think they have the right to disrespect us because we are different, or don't have balls.

Why? Didn't God make us equal?

But then again, even some Christians will say that men are more worthy than women.

I hate that some Hmong men still think it's ok to treat women with disrespect, treat her lower than dirt, and judge us like we don't belong or are unequal to them. Not all Hmong men are like this, but for those who are, I hope they learn that their way of thinking is wrong.

It is hard to switch someone's way of thinking, if it's something they have been taught ever since the day they were born, from the colors of clothing they wear, to the chores they do in the house.

Be open about it, look at it from a women's perspective, and I'm more than sure that we (women) look at it from the men's perspective too.

The bf always tries to make things equal, he never wants me to think that I am less than a guy or him. When I'm cooking, he cooks with me, when I'm washing the dishes, he's on the other side helping me. We do laundry together, just about everything together. He treats me with equality.

I don't know where he gets it from, his way of thinking that is, but I like it. I like that he can tell from right and wrong, how to treat a woman, and how to respect us even though we are different.

All men should be like that!

I hope that the Hmong men that are being born will not turn out to be brainwashed into the patriarchal society that we have, (not only Hmong society, American society, pretty much every society).

Let's try to stop that from happening, by educating them!

Friday, May 6, 2011


I feel like being a woman in the Hmong society is more difficult than being a man.

You get less opportunities and more responsibilities.

I am so stressed, the men in my family are being so immature. Not stepping up and being what they are supposed to, or being there when my parents need them most.

I am so sad that I am so far away, I have to try to work things out even though I'm millions of miles away. I can't wait to go home and fix things and make it all better, so my parents will appreciate the girls more and stop expecting from those who can't attend to their needs.

I'm tired of being treated like a kid, I am a grown up now and just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't do things that the Hmong society expects me to. I am so much better than those men, I can prove myself and have gone so much further than they have.

Don't worry niam tias txiv, I am here to help you!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I Love Being Hmong

Being Hmong has given me a huge outlook on life, or just a different look at life and the world.

I listen to our language and it's really different from any other language out there, someone asked me, what is Hmong language like, and I had no answer to it. We are just that unique and different.

I am so proud to be Hmong, the struggles that we have gone through, and the accomplishments we have come to are great.

I love the Hmong songs that we have, some are so inspiring and touching that I am so thankful to be who I am and thankful that I can understand what these songs are saying because they have so much meaning to them. The way it's being sung, the way it's being said, and the words itself has so much meaning. Take the song by Bao Her called Tus Kuv Hlub Tshaj! That song is so great, I love it. I love the original more than any other version.


Thank you God for making me who I am, and thankful for my family and friends. I can not thank you enough for everything in my life! I am so proud to be who I am and have accomplished what I have. Thank You!

Friday, April 15, 2011

Our History

Being here not a lot of people know about my race. So of course I have to explain.

Explaining who we are and where we are from is so difficult because the story is so complex, you would never be able to tell it all in one sitting.

But even with that being said, those wonderful people are interested and want to know, they want to learn and know about who I am and my people's history.

I love that about some people, when they want to know you and understand you. When they are open to things that have happened and to how you are.

While telling stories of my parent's and grandparent's, I have realized that I need to do more research or ask my parents more about this. I want to know more than I do now, I know the main points, but I want to know all the details.

I want to know OUR history.

It's different from learning in class when the teacher just says, "there were Hmong people in the Vietnam war, they helped the Americans fight the Vietnamese." When my parents tell me stories, they are so intense and so heartbreaking, it's a whole story by itself. Each time they reached a certain point is a story to tell. I just wished I had time to write it all down for a real book to be published.

That will be one of my life goals to accomplish.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Being In a Whole New World Alone (WARNING: this is a rant so don't read if you're gonna think I'm being immature, because I am)

Being in a whole new world alone sucks, or sucks in general! Straight out going to say that it sucks! I'll give you a list! Not that it's not a good experience and that I haven't made good life-long friends or that this will be one of the greatest experiences. I know now what they mean when you come back you are a whole new person, a better and wiser person, you appreciate everything and everyone you have! When you leave you leave everything you know and are used to. You leave your life and try to start somewhere where you don't know anything and you are the dumb and ignorant person.

why being in another country alone sucks

1. no family or friends

2. can't go shopping enjoyably

3. can't stay up late with someone to just hang out

4. have someone to talk to

5. share your wonderful day with

6. brag about all the neat things you saw or bought to someone

7. have someone to cry to

8. you can't go out to eat with someone other than yourself

9. there's no one to take your picture

10. no one understands you

11. no one relates to your norms

12. don't have enough people you know of to hang out with a different person each day of the week

13. you don't have someone to watch scary movies with

14. no one to eat with

15. no one to cook with

16. no one to do laundry with

17. no one to sing with

18. no one that knows you

19. no one that cares as much as your friends and family

20. people are for themselves

21. if you don't know something you are straight up DUMB

22. you want to go somewhere but you can't get there

23. have someone to be your puppet and put makeup on them

24. vocabulary is different

25. you have to find shops that carry things you like and can afford

26. people judge you based on your country

27. you miss everything and everyone back at home

28. you can't speak Hmong to anyone because no one understands

29. what you wear is not normal

30. what you crave is really difficult to find/make because of the differences

AND the list goes on.......

My point is, don't go alone if you can't handle it (like me)! When I get back home, I am so going to hang out with everyone on my friend list!!! SERIOUSLY!!!! and I'm going to appreciate everything so much more!!! I miss my home so much!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Making Spring Rolls In NZ

Yesterday I made spring rolls and they were delicious, not as good as the ones I make at home but still good! The reason being for that is because at home I know what is good and what's not and where I can get everything I need, where as here I have to find everything that is somewhat similar and work with it.

In my usual recipe for a spring roll I add ham and here I couldn't find any chunks of ham so I just used chicken that I cooked with some oyster sauce, still good! And then I totally forgot to make some eggs and put it in there, but like I said, still good! lol

I'll post some pictures. Some of them turned out really good and then others I had a little trouble with because the wraps that I bought, if you soak them too long they rip like crazy, which I find is unusual because the ones I usually buy at home are not like that. All my flat mates were wondering what I was making and I wanted to share, but then I was thinking that it is expensive and so I decided not to.

I don't like not sharing, I feel so weird, but then they don't share so I don't either because I feel like, if I share then they might always want me to share or take advantage of it. They are really nice women, so I shouldn't even think that.

Anyways, I had made some peanut butter pepper sauce and it is so spicy and good!! OMG, the bf wished he was here to eat it with me, lol. He told me he was eating rice and noodles... The peanut sauce is his favorite, so he wished I had made it for him instead, lol and so did I!

All the ingredients

The chicken with oyster sauce and a little salt

The rice paper soaking in water

The peanut butter pepper sauce

The final outcome after the spring rolls have been rolled

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

KDWB Radio Station

Ok, so recently there was a song on KDWB about Hmong people and making fun of them. I mean come on, are you seriously going to put that on a radio station and make fun of a specific type of people? NO WAY! Did you not hear about the girl at UCLA?

I don't know what people are thinking when they talk unnecessary stuff and mean stuff about other races. What is wrong with you? Is your brain on?

So, this guy is singing this song making fun of Hmong people and his co-workers are laughing in the background, are you serious? I don't know about you, but I would be super scared to walk out of that building you're in after work......

I hope nothing happens, like Hmong people threatening them or anything like that, because it'll just give them a bigger excuse to make fun of us. I just hope the radio station fires him!

If you all are interested, you can just look it up on youtube, and you'll be able to find his stupid obnoxious song.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Wanting to Get Away Where No One Knows Me

I have always thought and fantasized about leaving everything behind and going somewhere no one would know me. Now that it has happened, I don't want this. Not only does no one know me, they don't even know what I am. They all think I'm Chinese, and even if I were to speak, they think I'm American. I am American, but I would like to think of myself as Hmong American, not American. American is my nationality and Hmong is my race, but it's just so difficult to explain and I guess for other's to understand. Like my friend who's from Singapore and is Chinese, she's Singaporean. Her nationality is Singaporean, her race is Chinese and she wants everyone that meets her to know that she's from Singapore, not China.
I understand her way of thinking, why doesn't anyone understand mine? I guess it's just way too confusing and complicated.
Getting away from the people I wanted to so badly wasn't as I assumed it would be. It wasn't that great feeling I thought I would've had, being anyone I wanted. Instead I'm just labeled here and even after explanations they still don't know what's going on.
I miss home, not necessarily my surroundings, but my people and my family.

Sunday, February 27, 2011


Today was a good day, until I was sitting in my flat with everyone in there laughing but me. I looked at myself and saw what they saw for the first time. I am Asian, a minority. For some reason I always thought I was just like them, I thought I fit in, but I don’t, and I stuck out like a sore thumb.

Being Hmong is difficult, we don’t have a country, we don’t have anything to claim. No one knows who we are and by Clint Eastwood’s immatureness people call us Ha-mong. I prayed to God to help me be whom I am, for me to not get lost in the easier way out of life. I prayed for Him to give me the strength to represent my people and who we are.

It makes me feel so alone, no one knows how our ways are, there’s no one I can talk to that would understand me. I guess that is what I miss the most! I miss my home, my bed, my family, my people, my things!

As awesome as this experience is, I don’t think I will ever do it alone again, I can’t stand being by myself, I want someone like me! I know I’m being selfish and immature, but seriously, people not knowing me and disrespecting me is just so painful and annoying. I can’t wait to be home!!!!!

Monday, February 21, 2011


Waking up you never are prepared for what happens in the day. Being here in New Zealand just about everyone thinks I'm Chinese. The Chinese think I'm Chinese, the Caucasians think I'm Chinese, everyone does.

I hate racism, it's a touchy topic, and it can go on forever, it hurts. It sticks with you forever.

Today I experienced racism towards me, whether they knew it or not, they acted upon it. I am a victim of another racist act, as I was before long ago. No matter how big or little the act was, it happened.

Did I cry? Of course I did, why did that Caucasian do it? Who is he to make fun of me and my friend, is he smarter, superior? Why am I crying because I am different? What do I do now? Did I report it? Yes I did, what will happen? I have no clue, all I know is that this is the beginning of a new chapter, I am NOT going to keep quiet. I want to be LOUD AND LET THEM KNOW THAT IT IS NOT OK!!!!!

History will not repeat itself, all the racism that once was should be gone, will it ever? Of course not, but one step at a time and we will be there. Martin Luther King Jr. would be sad if he saw us today, but proud that we have gotten this far. I want to make a change, that is why I reported this racist act, I want to be heard. I am stronger than this and I am not alone. They will have to listen to what I have to say, I am not going anywhere.

I HATE RACISM!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Finding Asian Food In New Zealand

Now that I'm here in New Zealand, it's very difficult for me to find the spices and foods that I'm used to eating. I'll have to go look for the sections of the oriental foods or asian foods. Even if they have the spices, do they have the greens that I like to eat?

I'm not used to eating just all burgers, fries, spaghetti all the time. Even when I make rice to eat, it's not the same rice type and the way I cook it here is different because I don't have all the tools to cook it the way I like it. I know, a lot of complaining, but truly it's different.

I'll have to get used to it, but for now it's not the best. Can't wait to eat real Hmong food when I get home (which won't be for a while).

Although my kiwi host said she would show me where the asian market is, so that'll be exciting, hopefully they have the greens I like there!! :D

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

General Vang Pao

On January 6th my family was celebrating my little brother's 18th birthday. It was a day that my little brother became an adult (in his eyes). We had cooked great food and a beautiful and delicious white cake with chocolate frosting.

As the day passed, there were rumors going around about General Vang Pao. We heard he was in the hospital, then we heard he died, then we heard that people just think he died because he was in the hospital but he's still alive. It wasn't until the day after that my family and my father was informed that he really did die that night.

The whole entire Hmong community all over the nation mourned in sadness, as our leader rest his eyes forever. It was hard for me to see my father cry, it is times like that when I wish I could do something great for him to only feel happiness and be proud. My father rarely cries and it just makes me so sad when he does because it just means how much he's hurting inside that he had to let it out.

Do you know what this means? The fact that General Vang Pao is dead, the one guy that the Hmong people look up to is gone?

This means that all hope is gone. The hope that the rest of our people running from soldiers still have a chance to come to America. The people who are running for their lives day and night. The people who live to hear General Vang Pao say that they can live somewhere where they can actually settle down. Their hopes are lost, gone. My father's hopes are gone, he cried for our people, for the Hmong.

I want to say that there is someone out there that will be able to bring the rest of our people to safety, but like my father, my hopes are lost as well. I don't know if there is anyone, I don't know if we (the younger generation) are capable of doing such a great deed and having all that on our delicate shoulders.

It's even more sad the fact that it took General Vang Pao's death for a lot people to know how great of a person he really was. All the rumors of him about assassinating Laos was wrong, him being accused of such a thing is ridiculous to me. I never knew he was in so many wars fighting against the bad people, I never knew he had so much courage in helping our people, all of the rumors got to me and I never knew it until after he had already passed. I feel ashamed, as many others will feel.

I hope that there is still hope for our people, for those who are crying in pain because no one will save them now. I mourn for them, and hope and pray that God will save us, that God will bring us an angel to bring our people to safety.